So I think the root of the problem is honestly that the reconstructionists, (i.e. Hellenismos) make me feel guilty somehow. Like I'm not good enough. Not all of them are judgmental, but I really think it was that one person on the forum the other day, the one that said anything not straight from the ancients was "made up crap". I think, even though I think their full statement was ridiculous, and even though it pissed me off, it really actually got to me.
I take my practice from what the gods ask of me. I have since I first learned how to listen to them. So why am I even doubting myself? akfadkhf;dsihfdih
The only reason I was on that forum was because the Hellenist Problems Meme (which I LOVE) was making me feel like I should incorporate some more reconstructionist stuff into my practice.
I'm not looking to be an all out reconstructionist. It doesn't fit my beliefs. I've yet to find a tradition or religion beyond "Eclectic Paganism" that actually fits my beliefs. Does much of my practice agree with Hellenismos? Yeah. Do I follow essentially the same ethics? yup. Except here's the kicker: I refuse to see the ancient practices "correct practice" more important than what the gods tell me they want me to do; I refuse to believe that magick is hubris, some is but not all.
My ethics are composed of the Negative Confessions (sometimes called the Ideals of Ma'at) and the Delphic Maxims. My entire life is for the gods. I don't get to give daily offerings, and I do call my petitions to the gods spells, as I call any lengthy and detailed form of prayer. To me saying the rosary is a spell.
And I love saying prayers that are just to the Goddess and God. I firmly believe that there is a power even higher than the gods. It's the power that created them and gives them their powers. This entity is essentially the power behind everything on earth and I somewhat believe that this power is what Christians, and Muslims, and Jews call God. But to me it's two people: Father God "Yaweh" (for lack of a better name) and Mother Goddess "Sophia". To me, this is the Wiccan God and Goddess in their true form before they get humanized into Moon Goddess and Horned God. I do occasionally pray to the Great Mother and Great Father and that's who I pray to when I do. They are "deities" so high up that the only worship that they would ask for would be of the gods themselves. If the gods did indeed worship something, it would be them. It's their universal presence that allows me to hear a gospel to Christ and remember it in the name of Sekhmet or Demeter, their presence that allows a prayer to God and a prayer to Ma'at feel the same. But for the record, I do not think that "Yaweh" is the Yaweh of the Jews, or God of the Christians, or Allah of the Muslims. He's different. Higher. Their God would be just another of the many children. Their god's Yaweh Jr. That be said, I also think the hateful God of the Old Testament and the loving God of the New are completely different. (Okay, so I believe Yaweh Jr is the Jewish God, and then Osiris, or possibly Amen-Ra, and is the new testament God because of the Mary is an incarnation of Aset and Jesus is Heru thing).
I honestly can't believe a phrase by some random stranger is messing me up so badly!
I'm still going through and doing the research I said I would do, and because Demeter asked for that document on my personal practice I'm going to do in and have it be an devotion/offering/sacrifice to her.
Also, I had a random thought earlier: Hellenismos practitioners offer sacrifices to the gods by burning them (usually food), and I'm fairly certain Egyptians did something similar. In my current living situation, and in any living situation I might have in the near future, I don't really have a huge stone altar or anything to burn offerings for them, and I would like to start doing so. So I was thinking, what if I get a big cauldron, not huge, but of decent size, and burned it in that? The cauldron was revered in Celtic culture as a magickal symbol of their gods, and Dagda himself had a special cauldron that was never empty, Several other Celtic deities has magickal cauldrons as well. To me, doing that would effectively be combining Greco-Egyptian with Irish paganism. To me, that's a major win. =)